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Tag: violence-against-women

  • Beyond the Breaking News- Part 11

    Violence, Fear, Perception and Agency

    Deepali Bhattacharya

    In conversation with TD, Clinical Psychologist  ·  An eleven-part reflection, with notes and references

    PART XI

    Keep Living Your Life

    “The final word should never belong to fear.”

    As our conversation drew to a close, I asked TD one last question.

    “After everything we have discussed—the violence, the fear, the uncertainty—what would you like people to carry with them?”

    He did not answer immediately.

    Then he said something beautifully simple.

    “Keep living your life.”

    The sentence stayed with me.

    Not because it dismissed fear.

    But because it placed fear in its rightful place.

    Fear has a purpose.

    It warns us.

    It prepares us.

    Sometimes it protects us.

    But it was never meant to become the author of our lives.

    Violence seeks more than victims.

    It seeks to alter the way the rest of us live.

    It asks us to withdraw.

    To distrust.

    To isolate ourselves.

    To become suspicious of one another.

    When that happens, violence succeeds far beyond the original act.

    Perhaps resilience is not the absence of fear.

    Perhaps resilience is quietly refusing to surrender our humanity because of it. 23

    This does not mean becoming careless.

    It does not mean ignoring danger.

    It means refusing to allow danger to define every decision we make.

    As I look back on my years in the development sector, I realise that the people who have inspired me most were not fearless.

    The widow who learnt a new livelihood after unimaginable loss.

    The survivor who chose to testify.

    The social worker who continued visiting difficult communities.

    The police officer who listened with compassion.

    The teacher who believed one child could still change.

    None of them were untouched by fear.

    They simply chose not to let fear make all their decisions.

    Perhaps that is what agency finally looks like.

    Not extraordinary courage.

    Quiet courage.

    The courage to continue caring.

    To continue trusting carefully.

    To continue building communities.

    To continue believing that kindness is worthwhile.

    To continue living.

    Because the opposite of violence is not only justice.

    It is also connection.

    The opposite of fear is not bravado.

    It is agency.

    And perhaps the opposite of despair is not certainty.

    It is hope expressed through action.

    The headlines will change tomorrow.

    Another story will replace today’s.

    But long after the breaking news fades, the deeper question remains.

    What kind of society are we becoming?

    And equally important,

    What kind of society are we choosing to build?

    A QUESTION THAT STAYED WITH ME…

    What if our greatest contribution is not that we lived in safe times…

    …but that we helped create a safer, kinder and more compassionate society for those who come after us?

    Perhaps that is where every meaningful conversation on violence should finally arrive.

    Not at fear.

    But at responsibility.

    Not at despair.

    But at agency.

    And certainly not at the breaking news.

    But beyond it.

    Notes:

    22. WHO (2009) reviews the evidence that changing cultural and social norms — including the everyday speech, jokes and silences that signal acceptability — is a core violence-prevention strategy in its own right.

    23.  Resilience research supports this quiet framing: Bonanno (2004) shows resilience is common rather than exceptional, and Masten (2001) famously calls it “ordinary magic” — arising from everyday human systems of relationship, meaning and agency rather than rare heroism.

  • Beyond the Breaking News-Part 10

    Violence, Fear, Perception and Agency

    Deepali Bhattacharya

    In conversation with TD, Clinical Psychologist  ·  An eleven-part reflection, with notes and references

    PART X

    Kindness Is Not Softness. It Is Prevention.

    “Violence rarely begins with a weapon. More often, it begins with everyday indifference.”

    When people speak about preventing violence, the conversation usually turns towards stricter laws, policing, surveillance or harsher punishments.

    These conversations are important.

    But they often begin too late.

    By the time the law intervenes, someone has already been hurt.

    TD offered another perspective that stayed with me.

    “Kindness,” he said, “is prevention.” 21

    At first, I wondered whether the idea was too simple.

    Then I thought about the people I have met over the years.

    A teacher humiliating a child in front of the class.

    Parents constantly comparing siblings.

    A husband controlling every decision his wife makes.

    Friends laughing at sexist jokes.

    Neighbours choosing silence when they hear repeated screams next door.

    None of these moments make the evening news.

    Yet they quietly shape the emotional climate in which violence either grows or is challenged.

    Violence is rarely born overnight.

    It rehearses itself.

    In language.

    In ridicule.

    In entitlement.

    In humiliation.

    In the belief that some people deserve less dignity than others.

    Perhaps this is why TD insisted that we pay attention to our ordinary conversations.

    Every joke that normalises dowry.

    Every casual remark that blames survivors.

    Every statement that dismisses emotional pain.

    Every act of public humiliation.

    These may appear insignificant.

    They are not.

    Children are always listening.

    Young people are always observing.

    Communities are always learning what is considered acceptable. 22

    If cruelty can be learnt, compassion can also be learnt.

    If disrespect spreads through imitation, so can kindness.

    I often think of development work in the same way.

    Communities do not change only because policies change.

    They change because everyday behaviour changes.

    One respectful conversation.

    One teacher who listens.

    One police officer who responds with dignity.

    One neighbour who chooses to intervene.

    These actions may never become headlines.

    Yet they prevent stories that otherwise might have.

    Perhaps kindness has been misunderstood.

    It is not a weakness.

    It is one of society’s earliest warning systems.

    It notices suffering before statistics do.

    A QUESTION THAT STAYED WITH ME…

    If kindness is prevention, what ultimately gives us the courage to keep choosing it in a world where violence still exists?

    That was the final question I asked TD.

    Notes:

    21.  Public health reaches the same conclusion: the WHO’s World Report on Violence and Health (2002) locates the roots of violence in an ecology of relationships, communities and norms — prevention therefore begins long before law enforcement. On learned aggression, see Bandura (1977).

    22.  WHO (2009) reviews the evidence that changing cultural and social norms — including the everyday speech, jokes and silences that signal acceptability — is a core violence-prevention strategy in its own right.

  • Beyond the Breaking News-Part 9

    Violence, Fear, Perception and Agency

    Deepali Bhattacharya

    In conversation with TD, Clinical Psychologist  ·  An eleven-part reflection, with notes and references

    PART IX

    Agency: The Antidote to Fear

    “Fear tells us what we cannot control. Agency reminds us what we still can.”

    After several conversations on fear, I found myself asking TD a question that many of us quietly ask ourselves after every disturbing news report.

    “What can one ordinary person possibly do?”

    It is an honest question.

    We cannot eliminate violence.

    We cannot predict every danger.

    We cannot control the choices other people make.

    So where does that leave us?

    TD’s answer shifted the conversation in an important way.

    “Psychology uses a simple but powerful word—agency.” 19

    Agency is our ability to recognise that even when circumstances are beyond our control, our response is not.

    Fear narrows our world.

    Agency begins to expand it again.

    It is the difference between saying,

    “The world has become unsafe.”

    And asking,

    “What can I do to become safer?”

    The difference may appear small.

    Psychologically, it is enormous.

    Agency restores something that violence often steals.

    Choice.

    I have seen this repeatedly while working with women rebuilding their lives after violence.

    The turning point rarely arrives through one dramatic event.

    It begins quietly.

    A woman decides to attend a support group.

    Another applies for a job.

    Someone learns self-defence.

    Someone else files a complaint after years of silence.

    Each decision appears ordinary.

    Yet together they represent something extraordinary.

    They mark the return of agency.

    The same principle applies beyond individual lives.

    Communities become stronger when people know one another.

    When neighbours exchange phone numbers.

    When commuters intervene instead of merely recording.

    When schools teach children not only mathematics and science but also empathy, emotional regulation and responsible citizenship.

    Preparedness is not paranoia.

    It is confidence.

    The purpose of preparedness is not to convince ourselves that danger is everywhere.

    It is to reassure ourselves that if danger appears, we are not entirely helpless.

    Perhaps that is why agency is so deeply connected with hope.

    Hope is not wishful thinking.

    Hope is believing that our actions still matter. 20

    A QUESTION THAT STAYED WITH ME…

    If agency helps us respond after violence, what helps prevent violence from taking root in the first place?

    Perhaps the answer lies much closer to home than we imagine.

    Notes:

    19.  Bandura (1997, 2006) places agency and self-efficacy at the centre of psychological functioning: the belief that one’s actions can influence outcomes is among the strongest protections against helplessness.

    20.  This is close to Snyder’s (2002) hope theory, in which hope is not optimism but the combination of goals, pathways and the sense of one’s own capacity to act.

  • Beyond the Breaking News-Part 5

    Violence, Fear, Perception and Agency

    Deepali Bhattacharya

    In conversation with TD, Clinical Psychologist  ·  An eleven-part reflection, with notes and references

    PART V

    Fear Is Not the Enemy

    “Before we learn how to overcome fear, we must first stop being ashamed of it.”

    One of the most reassuring moments in my conversation with TD came when I asked him whether people were overreacting.

    His answer surprised me.

    “No,” he said.

    “Fear is survival equipment.” 11

    I have carried that sentence with me ever since.

    We often speak about fear as though it were a weakness.

    Parents tell children not to be afraid.

    Leaders urge people to be fearless.

    Films celebrate those who appear untouched by danger.

    But psychology tells a different story.

    Fear is ancient.

    Long before human beings learnt to build cities or write constitutions, fear kept them alive.

    It warned them of predators.

    It prevented unnecessary risks.

    It prepared the body to respond quickly to danger.

    Without fear, our species would probably not have survived.

    The problem, therefore, is not fear.

    The problem is what happens after fear arrives.

    Some people deny it.

    Some become overwhelmed by it.

    Some quietly organise their lives around avoiding it.

    TD explained something that I found both comforting and practical.

    “The healthiest response,” he said, “is to begin by naming it.”

    “I am afraid.”

    Not because fear deserves control.

    But because unnamed fear often controls us.

    Psychologists have long observed that emotions become easier to regulate once they are acknowledged. 12

    The simple act of recognising fear reduces some of its power.

    Perhaps this explains why conversations matter.

    When people speak honestly about fear, they often discover they are not alone.

    The commuter who hesitates before boarding a train.

    The young woman returning home after work.

    The elderly man living by himself.

    The parents waiting for their child to come home.

    Their fears are different.

    Their humanity is the same.

    The goal is not to become fearless.

    The goal is to prevent fear from becoming the architect of our lives.

    Fear should inform our decisions.

    It should never imprison them.

    A QUESTION THAT STAYED WITH ME…

    If fear is natural, why do some people recover from frightening experiences while others remain trapped by them?

    Perhaps the answer lies in another psychological truth.

    We do not respond only to danger.

    We respond to how close that danger feels to us.

    Notes:

    11.  On fear as evolved protection, see Öhman and Mineka (2001) on the brain’s dedicated “fear module,” shaped by evolutionary threats and designed for rapid, automatic response.

    12.  This is affect labelling: Lieberman et al. (2007) showed that simply putting feelings into words dampens amygdala reactivity — neural evidence that naming an emotion begins to regulate it.

  • Beyond the Breaking News-Part 1

    A GYANINANI CONVERSATION | Series 2 | Part-1 of 11

    Violence | Fear |Perception| Agency

    Deepali Bhattacharya

    In conversation with TD, Clinical Psychologist  ·  An eleven-part reflection, with notes and references

    PART I

    When Violence Travels Beyond the Victim

    “Violence does not end where it happens. Sometimes it begins there.”

    There are some news stories that disappear by the next morning.

    And then some stories refuse to leave us.

    A few days ago, a man was murdered inside a crowded local train. The argument was ordinary. The violence was not. Within hours, the footage was everywhere. It appeared on television screens, WhatsApp groups, social media feeds and dinner-table conversations. Friends called one another to ask, “Did you see what happened?” Parents told their children to be careful while travelling. Office colleagues discussed whether local trains had become unsafe. For many people, the next morning’s commute felt different. The train had not changed. The city had not changed. Yet something inside us had.

    The victim had died in one compartment.

    But fear had boarded every compartment.

    That image stayed with me—not because it was the first act of violence India had witnessed, but because of the speed with which it entered our collective imagination. I found myself asking a question that I have often carried back from the field after meeting survivors of domestic violence, grieving parents, police officers and social workers.

    Why do some acts of violence become everyone’s fear, while others remain someone else’s tragedy?

    For over three decades, my work has taken me into places that rarely make the headlines. I have sat with mothers who lost daughters to dowry. I have listened to women whose bruises remained hidden behind the walls of respectable homes. I have spoken with children who had learnt, much too early, that silence was often rewarded more than truth. Violence was present in all these places. Yet much of it never became a national conversation.

    And that contrast has always troubled me.

    As I reflected on the recent train incident, I discussed it with TD, a clinical psychologist. Our conversation quickly moved away from crime and entered the terrain of the human mind.

    TD said something deceptively simple.

    “The mind does not count statistics. It remembers stories.”

    That single sentence changed the way I looked at the incident.

    Psychologists describe this process as socialised fear. An isolated act of violence, when repeatedly witnessed through television, mobile phones and conversations, begins to feel personally relevant to millions of people. We no longer watch it as observers. We begin to experience it as participants. Somewhere inside our minds, we quietly ask ourselves: 1

    “What if that had been me?”

    Our brains evolved to learn through stories long before they learned to interpret statistics. For thousands of years, stories protected human beings. If someone in the community encountered danger, everyone else learned from that experience. Today, technology has amplified this ancient survival mechanism. A single video can be replayed millions of times. Each replay becomes another emotional rehearsal. The violence happens once, but psychologically it is experienced over and over again. 2

    Fear, therefore, spreads not only because violence exists, but because imagination is extraordinarily powerful.

    This does not mean our fear is irrational.

    Far from it.

    Fear is one of humanity’s oldest survival instincts. Without it, our ancestors would not have survived predators, wars or disasters. The problem begins when fear quietly changes from being a protective companion into a permanent resident. When every crowded train begins to look dangerous. When every stranger appears threatening. When ordinary life starts shrinking because of extraordinary events. 3

    This distinction is important.

    Because fear itself is not the enemy.

    The question is: what does fear persuade us to become?

    As I reflected on this, another memory surfaced.

    Years ago, while working with women who had survived domestic violence, one of them said something that has never left me.

    “The beating stopped,” she told me quietly, “but the fear never did.”

    At that time, I understood her words as a description of trauma.

    Today, I realise they also describe society.

    Violence often ends before fear does.

    The incident on the train lasted minutes.

    Its psychological life continues long after.

    This is why conversations about violence cannot stop at policing, punishment or law alone. Those are indispensable, but they address only one part of the story. Violence also reshapes how people perceive safety, trust strangers, travel to work, raise children and imagine their own futures.

    The visible injury belongs to the victim.

    The invisible injury belongs to society.

    Understanding that invisible injury is perhaps one of the most urgent conversations of our time.

    Because if violence changes how millions think, feel and behave, then our response cannot be limited to catching perpetrators alone. We must also learn how to protect our collective psychological well-being.

    That journey begins by understanding fear—not dismissing it.

    And perhaps by asking a question we rarely ask after the headlines fade.

    A QUESTION THAT STAYED WITH ME…

    If one act of violence can make millions afraid to board a train, what determines which acts of violence enter our collective imagination—and which ones quietly disappear behind closed doors?

    That is the question I carry into the next conversation.

    Notes

    1.  On indirect, media-based exposure to violence: Holman, Garfin and Silver (2014) found that repeated media exposure to the Boston Marathon bombings was associated with higher acute stress than direct presence at the event — empirical support for the idea that widely broadcast violence is psychologically “experienced” by people far beyond the scene.

    2.  The mind’s preference for stories over statistics is well documented: the availability heuristic (Tversky & Kahneman, 1973) shows that vivid, easily recalled events inflate judgments of risk, and Small and Loewenstein (2003) demonstrate that a single identifiable victim moves people far more than statistical lives.

    3.  On fear as evolved survival machinery, see LeDoux (1996) on the brain’s ancient threat circuitry.