Tag: mother

My eternal love

Dear Mai,

Before the day of Guru Purnima comes to an end, I wanted to write you a letter. Strangely, this is the first letter I have ever written to you. I never really needed to write one—you were always there with me. And even when you were not physically beside me, you were just a phone call away.

I miss you, Mai.

You were the one I loved with all my heart. But saying “you loved me” is not enough. A mother’s love cannot be measured in words. It is eternal, unconditional, and perhaps the purest form of love that exists.

From my childhood, I somehow always felt that I had to protect you, that I had to live for you. You were so vulnerable and so innocent at times. You were an ambitious young woman whose dreams were crushed—first by your parental family and then by your marital family.

I often marvelled at your resilience, but I also struggled with the fact that you never stood up for yourself. Perhaps no one had ever taught you how. Yet, despite that, you taught us something even more valuable—to withstand pressure, to remain strong, and to follow our dreams.

Today is the first Guru Purnima when I cannot touch your feet. You are my first Guru. Distance, time, and even death cannot change that.

I still remember the last Guru Purnima in the hospital. You were so unwell. I don’t know whether I was being insensitive or simply trying to prepare myself when I said, “Mom, let me offer my last pranam to you.” And you quietly replied, “My last blessing to you. Everything comes to an end. Nothing is stagnant.”

Mai… I have carried those words in my heart ever since.

Did I, in some way, push you to leave this world by saying that?

I don’t know why this thought keeps haunting me.

I am sorry, Mom.

I love you. And I miss you far more than words can ever express.

I am still trying to figure out what life is without you. My life revolved around you—our countless conversations, those little phone calls every now and then, asking each other the smallest things. It has been a year now without hearing your voice. I still cannot believe that life has somehow continued.

But believe me, a part of me left with you forever.

However hard I try, I know I will never be the same person again.

On this Guru Purnima, I bow my head before my first Guru—my Mai.

Jai Guru, Mummy!!

Your Deepu, always.